Comment Blog

 Please post your comments about my Project here.

Comments

  1. Hey Brandon!

    Your project looks like it is heading towards the right direction! It seems to me like you're writing a story book about Rama! I would try to include either in your cover page or your introduction page the changes you've made. To be completely honest with you, I'm not sure where you're heading with draft. Is that just explaining how the brothers were born from all of King Dasharatha's wives? I think you can add plenty of context for the story to tie in together better. Towards the end of your introduction, I began to catch the direction you were heading towards with your story. "The wheels of fate changes gears," most likely meant his upcoming exile from the thunder (or the kingdom), correct? Why would Rama be the best 6th man? The sixth man in basketball usually gets less playing time than the starters correct? I feel like in the actual Ramayana, Rama experiences plenty of playing time? I think you could clear all of this up with a more descriptive author's note on what is going on with your story and reason for your changes.

    Overall, I like the idea that you're using to tell a storybook over Rama. I think if you just fill in all those gaps maybe in your author's note, or potentially fill it into the actual storyline, then your reader will be able to enjoy the story a lot more!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey Brandon! I absolutely love your project being featured around James Harden. I don't think anything has caught my eye quite like this one did, and I am so glad that I found your project. Incorporating the Indian Epics into a story around the Thunder's young core is such a wonderful idea. I love your take on the NRA, it is definitely one of the most creative things I have seen. Its going to be super interesting to see how you are able to portray the young core eventually leaving each other in terms of the Epics. It would be awesome if you did a whole series on Kevin Durants betrayal and how him and Westbrook would later on go head to head. Then Westbrook and Harden teaming up in Houston while Ibaka wins a ring the year before! Super super interesting and I am definitely looking forward to reading this as im a HUGE Thunder and NBA (NRA) fan as well. Best of luck Brandon!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Brandon!

    I like that you chose a topic for your Storybook that will keep you interested because, when you are interested, your stories are bound to be that much more interesting. It's also super cool that you chose the Thunder as your inspiration.

    My question is, what is James 'Rama' Harden really like? Some character development on his part would be very helpful with letting your audience connect to the narrator. Also, have you considered writing from James 'Rama's' perspective using first person? This way, you could detail his actual experiences in the brotherhood and how he feels so that your audience is not as distanced from him.

    With this being just the introduction, I didn't expect dialogue, but I would definitely suggest including some dialogue in your later stories. Without it, stories can feel less realistic. Plus, how can we know what the brotherhood is really like without seeing them interact with one another during a game?

    Excellent concept! Great work!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Brandon,

    I never would have thought of basketball and Indian epics being incorporated with each other so this is a very interesting surprise to me. I have never really been interested in any of the ball sports, and I tend not to know much about them as a result of that. I look forward to learning some of the history of local basketball as you said you are going to try to make the James Harden stories stay true to reality. Overall, I believe your writing to be well done, but I have a few pointers. I noticed that you write "top ten" and "top 10," but I'd recommend sticking to one form of the phrase for consistency. I also noticed that you have a double period in your second paragraph. In your fourth paragraph, the sentence "A dynasty formed the Thunder chose Harden." seems odd to me. Finally, in the fourth paragraph, you mention they were in the same "conversion," but what does that mean? I assume it is basketball basketball, but I am not familiar with it. Maybe you can explain some basketball jargon in your author's note. I hope you find these pointers to be helpful.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Brandon,

    This is the most creative one I have seen yet. I am a huge fan of James Harden and the fact that you made a connection between Indian Epics and him is incredible and I gotta say, I am a little jealous of the idea! Your take on the NRA is really creative and I can only assume that the brothers include Russell Westbrook, Kevin Durant, and Serge Ibaka. If not, then I think a few spin off stories for the other three stars could be a cool idea. This story really had me nostalgic and thinking back on the Oklahoma City Thunder v.s. Miami Heat NBA Finals. This story overall sounds like the ultimate underdog story of James Harden as the 6th Man of the Year before he became a star for the Houston Rockets as a starter. My suggestion would be that in the following stories, some dialogue between the characters would make the story even better. I look forward to reading further on your story!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey, Brandon!

    Even though I am definitely an amateur when it comes to basketball, your title immediately grabbed my attention and I was excited to leaf through your project to see how you pulled this off. I really liked your creative interpretation, and the use of Westbrook, Durant, and Ibaka as the brothers really can help you make some creative ties.

    Echoing some other comments on here, I think that it would be good to explore your characters a little bit more in-depth rather than using them as just agents of storytelling. For instance, take the scene with "Rama" and "Dashartha". While the parallel is well-constructed, I think that we could use some information from the characters. How would Rama take this in the Ramayana? How Would "Rama" take this from "Dashartha" in your story? One might argue that Rama accepted his father's wishes because he was keeping his Dharma. Is Harden keeping his Dharma with Presti here?

    Cheers,
    Chris

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Brandon,
    This is such an interesting project idea! I really liked that you managed to find a personal connection with Rama's story. Finding ways to relate the events that befall Rama and those around him to the real-life experiences of one of your favorite basketball players will probably really help you engage with the story. It also demonstrates the enduring and universal nature of the events described in the epic and their continuing relevance in a modern world. I could see this also as a way of making the story more accessible to younger children who may have an interest in sports but may not have a background knowledge or interest in Indian culture, as it replaces many of the details of the story with more familiar analogs. I know close to nothing about basketball or basketball players, so this kind of worked in reverse for me! I could see how emotions might run high when a player gets traded given the comparison to Rama's exile. This is a really interesting concept and I look forward to reading more.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Brandon,
    WOW. I love the way your portfolio is set up. I really enjoyed how you decided to take one of your hobbies and bring it into a story you've read, and make it all about one player. The part about how they decided to trade them really stood out to me because that is exactly what happened in real life. I wonder if you would've changed up the story to where he signs with the Thunder again, if they end up doing really good with him even though they would've spent millions of dollars keeping him. What if you added more dialogue into the story, and had some of the top guys talk about him and how much he could benefit the team but maybe just take a small pay cut? I think you did an amazing job and I am jealous of the idea you decided to go with. Good job!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Brandon,
    The creativity and uniqueness of your project is off the charts! That is so awesome that you found a way to connect your personal hobby with the epics of India. I feel like this just goes to show how far-reaching the stories from the Indian epics can be; no matter what you're interested in, you will likely find a story or three that also relates to your interests. One suggestion I have is for you to describe in your author's notes which stories you are using for describing each of the basketball players. That would make it easier for me as well as other readers to understand the basis of your stories and better understand your connections. I don't really follow basketball, but I still am really interested in your project because of how you parallel the stories of the players with the stories from the epics. Overall, your site looks great and I'm really looking forward to reading more of your stories!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hey Brandon,
    This is my first time viewing your portfolio and WOW, I honestly did not know what to expect when seeing the title. I love how you incorporated basketball let alone James Harden into and Indian Epics writing. In your story The Trade “Exile” was a very fun read and I think you did a good job visually and structurally of drawing in your readers. I think the dialogue was intricate and very important for a story like this. One thing is in your author's notes you may provide some background for the original story because I’m not exactly sure where your inspiration is coming from. Overall, I am really invested in this portfolio and cannot wait to see where you decide to take this. Your creativity is definitely going to be advantageous when doing this portfolio.

    P.S. I’m still blown over the fact that the thunder traded James Harden, we knew his potential and how great he was when he was still a 6th man.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Brandon! I just read your introduction, and I really like that story that you have created here! This is such a creative way to retell The Ramayana, and I can tell that you are very passionate about basketball. I think it is always good to write about something that you enjoy a lot, as it makes the process so much easier and more enjoyable. I like how you changed James Harden and the NBA to incorporate aspects of the Ramayana, and I'm very excited to see where the rest of this story continues. Your wall is very easy to navigate, and I think your author's note did a great job of explaining what your story was about. I also really liked the tone that you used, which was almost humorous, but told the story in a serious way. I don't really have any other recommendations, great job! I will definitely come back to read the rest of this story and see where you have taken it.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hey, Brandon!

    I really think that your project is headed in the right direction. I totally understand your concern about the balance between dialogue and a more straightforward manner of storytelling. However, I like to think of them as two sides of the same coin. They are both there to fulfill your narrative and make your story stronger. However, as it is with so many things in life, the key is finding a balanced approach that doesn't rely too much on any one mechanic. Easier said than done, for sure, but I think that you are on the right track for sure.

    One question I have would be "what is your plan for this project as a whole?" How much continuity are you wanting between installments? Are you wanting a very clear part one, part two, part three, or are you wanting a more self-contained approach? I would be curious to see your plan given the creative nature of using basketball games and incidents as narrative. It could go either way, really! I think that your author's note also does a good job of explaining the basketball side of things to those who are less familiar.

    Cheers,
    Chris

    ReplyDelete
  13. Brandon, this idea of writing about James Harden is absolutely wonderful as he is one of the most popular basketball players today. I really like how you aded the twist on his name and the team names which factored in the Ramayana and its characters. What if James Rama Harden was not traded? Do you think the Thunder would go on to win the championship with the roster they had? It might be interesting to explore this alternative reality in a later story or blog post. Personally, I think the Thunder had the best roster in NBA history and if they stuck together this team could have won multiple championship rings. Lastly, I want to ask how you plan on continuing with this story? Does James Rama Harden venture off on his own and actually win a championship? I am very curious to see what happens next. Keep up the good work my friend.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts